This past week has been one like any other. Our sweet little 2 1/2 year old has mastered the term disobedience. He has had other times where he would get in trouble for things, but nothing like this week. Literally EVERYTHING I tell him to do, he does the exact opposite. Very uncharacteristic of his usual self by throwing things, screaming at me, hitting his brother and doing everything he can to push the limit. I know that he is learning to test who is boss and just what he can get away with. We have spent more time disciplining him this week than all his other days combined. Every time he disobeys I bring him in front of me and ask him what he just did and he already knows; "Disobey, he will say. We talk about making the right choices and doing things that please Jesus. After his spanking I pray with him and we ask Jesus to help his heart.
Though this process has been EXHAUSTING to say the least, it has also been pretty humbling to me. In wanting to show him grace, just as I have been shown, it truly hearts my heart every time he does it. All of that to say, imagine how much I disappoint God every single day too. As my Father in heaven, he wants whats best for me and loves me more than anything. There are many times during the day that I deliberately choose to disobey what He has asked of me. I let me own desires or selfishness get the best of me... and yet He continually gives me grace.
I have been taken back by the book, The Gospel, that I have been reading for the past few weeks. The author spends several chapters engraining in us that, "there is nothing we can do to make God loves us more, and there is nothing we can do to make Him loves us less." That is really a hard thing to realize. So often as Christians we think, well if I go to church this week or if I choose to love my neighbor today then God will love me more and I will find favor with Him. That is true that He will love us... but He already does. He loved us first.
I am incredibly grateful to have a Father who loves me more than I can comprehend, no matter what. And I only hope I can be the kind of mother who extends that same grace.