Life with 2!
Now that I am 2 months in to having 2 kiddos, I thought it was probably time to start talking about it. First of all, I couldnt believe how my heart instantly grew the moment my eyes met Carter's. After 21 months of loving one child, I was worried that I couldnt love someone else like that. WRONG! I have loved even more now seeing our two boys together and watching Griffin's instant love of Carter as well. To be blessed with another healthy child, having God entrust his life with us and just simply being grateful that our family had so much joy added to it... so many wonderful things! This next section is for all of you other moms (or moms to be) out there. I had heard all of the above things before and granted it is WAY more incredible to experience them for yourself... I had been enlightened about what it would be like. However, no one shared with me how hard it would be to add to our family. I mean I didnt ask the direct question to anyone that I recall, but still.. NO ONE WARNED me ha! So now thats why I want to open up and just be real. Again, everything I said in the first paragraph is more than true and sharing these realities and not so glamorous day to day things does not change that. Having 2 kids is tough.. and two kids under two I would say is even tougher. It was a new way of life when I first had Griffin and difficult in some similar ways but overall was a pretty smooth transition for me into motherhood. Now having not only another newborn but ALSO an almost 2 year old running around is not only physically exhausting, but mentally as well. 2 schedules, 2 very different stages and needs that they have and my head just feels like its constantly spinning. Once we brought Carter home, and even after I had my Mimi here with me for a week, I was honestly scared to death to be at home alone with the 2 kids. With Griffin I was like, "Oh I got this!" but with both now I'm more like, "Man, how am I gonna survive?!?" Granted it has gotten much better over the last 2 months, there are definitely times where I still feel this way. This also explains why I havent gotten out much yet, or attempted the things that were fairly easy with just one baby (ie. going to the store, mall, church, etc). There are circumstances that didnt help me out with the difficulty either. I was sick with the flu the week before Carter was born and that continued to linger for at least 2 weeks after. It was also very cold weather and therefore I was too worried to take Carter out. AND my little man Carter is an EATER! During his first month, and he even has occasional days like this now, he wanted to nurse every 1.5/2 hrs AND he nursed each time for an hour. So yes that means if I was nursing 6 of the 12 hours! That doesnt give much time to do anything else, let along catch up on my sleep deprivation ha! So, not every newborn is like this.. I know Griffin was not, but it can happen! On top of all that we have had car trouble and I have literally been stuck inside which made it seem like the walls were closing in! It seems that as soon as I get one diaper changed, the other one needs it to. AND if one is sleeping then of course the other is screaming crying. Sweet Griffin is going through the whiny stage and it as increased as he feels that he isnt getting enough attention.. and well Carter is a newborn and newborns cry, simple as that! Being a mom involves sacrifice. Being a mom of 2 involves even more sacrifice. I have missed the days where I could just sit and stare at the baby all day long, like I did the first time. Or of course the old saying, "sleep when the baby sleeps," ha yea well I am lucky to get 1 full hour when they are both sleeping :) I also feel like at times I am cheating on Griffin or not loving him as much because I cant play with him like I used to or get him what he needs when he asks. I know this isnt true, but your mind just instantly goes there. For those who dont know me, but have somehow found your way to this blog, PLEASE know I'm in NO way complaining! I consider it my greatest blessing to be the mommy of my boys! I am however just very adament about being honest haha! And if you do know me, then I have probably been all to honest to you before so you understand. I am being transparent to hopefully set just one "mom of 2"s expectation correctly so you wont think you are going crazy like I did... I've started asking those questions to other moms now and always hear, "Yes I know exactly how you feel!" Oh and its okay to wonder, "What have I gotten myself into??" because God truly knows I did/do! And so maybe reading this you now know that you arent crazy for thinking the same thing! Either way.. I hope my honesty helps!! And if you are a husband, family member or friend of a mom... dont think she is crazy when she cries at the drop of a hat or doesnt seem herself. Being a mom is a full-time job and takes multi-tasking to a WHOLE new level! Do me a favor and let her get out of the house. Even if its just for an hour. Even if its just to walk around Target. I promise the moment of piece and quiet will do her good.... there is only so much crying you can hear before you just hear it constantly ringing in your ear :)